Antibiotics

I detest having to take pills.

I have a hard time remembering to take them at the appropriate times so there are usually phone alerts and written reminders all over the place whenever I have to be on a pill for some reason. Sometimes, I do something like forget to bring them with me when I travel.

That actually happened this past week. First, I forgot to grab the medication off the fridge before we left the house, so I had to go back and get them. That put us an hour behind schedule (of course someone needed the toilet the second I got back in the car, which didn't help.) Then I kept forgetting to take the pills on time, because my schedule was all messed up. I even ended up missing a couple of doses.

It was very stressful. I know that I need to be careful to finish the full course of prescribed antibiotics, and to take them in the way my doctor instructed, in order for them to do their best work. There's also a whole host of potential side effects to not being vigilant when you're on antibiotics. Like digestive issues, and the possibility of a secondary infection, that requires more or different medications to treat, prolonging the illness and delaying my healing.

It got me thinking about how when I am inconsistent with my spiritual disciplines, I also experience negative effects. Like the antibiotics fight an infection, spiritual disciplines such as prayer, scripture reading, study, and solitude, fight the sin that so easily infects my life. And when I don't do these things "as I should" the reinfection can be so much harder to deal with.

At least, that is how I viewed it until this morning. Did you notice the quotation marks above?

"As I should"

What God has been pressing into my heart over the last several months, is that much of my pain, and stress is self-inflicted. You see, when I treat spiritual disciplines like a course of antibiotics, I get lost in the "shoulds". I heap shame, guilt, and fear on myself when I fail at keeping a schedule. I get stuck in the legalistic side of religion. I make it all about checking things off a list, and doing all the right things, in the right order, at the right time. I put my focus on the wrong part and I become the world's worst Pharisee.

As my mother used to say, I put the "em-PHA-sis on the wrong syll-A-ble."

But that is not what God wants from me. He does not want to be relegated to a 15 minute quiet time, or to be forgotten as soon as the study Bible is closed. Jesus did not die on the cross for my completed task list. He wants me to be present with Him. He wants me to talk with Him, to respond to Him. He wants communion. He wants to be invited in to the ordinary, everyday moments, all day long. The incredibly intimate, relational, Triune God wants a relationship with me.

Don't get me wrong. Spiritual disciplines are good and necessary. They help build a deep and rich faith. It is beneficial to practice all of the spiritual disciplines on a regular basis. In an excerpt from a letter to Mary Van Deusen, C.S. Lewis referred to a wise old priest who said they were "not a stair, but a bannister." He goes on to say " it is not the thing you ascend by but is a protective against falling off and a help-up. I think thus we ascend. The stair is God's grace. One's climb from step to step is obedience. Many different kinds of bannisters exist, all legitimate. It is possible to get up without any bannisters, if need be: but no one (would) willingly build a staircase without them because it would less safe, more laborious, and a little lacking in beauty."

When I meet with friends, we sometimes have a coffee out. Sometimes we meet together at one or the other's home. Sometimes we go out running errands together. We eat, or don't eat. Sometimes we work, other times we play. We talk about different things based on the season we're in, or recent experiences. So why would my relationship with the Creator of the Universe, with all His creativity and glory, be any less varied?

Spiritual disciplines are tools to aid the conversation. The scheduled coffee date with a friend. But they are not the end goal. While they facilitate and add to relationship, they are not the whole story. You cannot just check them off the To-Do list and move on to the next item. That is not how you grow a deep relationship. Chapter 23 of the book of Matthew is full of reproach to the Scribes and Pharisees, who had all the ritual and performance, but none of the communion. They did all the right things for all the wrong reasons, and ended up thwarting not only their own relationship with God, but they were actively standing in the way of other people who were honestly seeking God's face.

When I relegate spiritual disciplines to the same category as taking my antibiotics, or doing my laundry, or mopping my floors, I run the risk of doing nothing more than white washing a tomb full of old bones and robbing my faith of the power that comes from a personal relationship with God. These are all good things that need to be done, but they don't bring life.

I hope that next time you find yourself feeling like a failure for doing your quiet time in the afternoon instead of first thing in the morning, or not spending enough time studying scripture, you will remember that what God really wants is your heart, not your performance. Then take that moment to connect with Him, right where you are.

Because He's always ready for coffee with a friend.